Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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