I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
