she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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