I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
