i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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