She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he fucked my hip out of place.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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