I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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