where does the pee come out of this thing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think my moral compass just broke
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
