I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize