Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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