im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone shit on the floor
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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