You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
