were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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