i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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