Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
