I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
