The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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