Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
