I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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