he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
