Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
