and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
