oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There r osticjed everywhere
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
