I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
