I heard we made out
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
