Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
