I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
