I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
