Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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