I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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