Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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