Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
