Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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