booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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