I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
