I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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