Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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