We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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