Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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