Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
