she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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