new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
