Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
