I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
