I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
