Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
