what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
