Sponge bath it is.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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