you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
