porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
