i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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