I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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