i don't like sucking hair
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
