Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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