Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
