i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
