So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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