I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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