At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
