I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
