why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
