Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
