Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sorry my hands just texted you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
