Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize