I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
