So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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