smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
